Growing up my sister Whitney was a bully. We were friends until she turned 13 and she got the evil gene. It was amazing how, even though I was older, she was good at making me cry. She could stop my heart in complete terror. When my mom would go to work and we were both home, my brothers and I would just try and stay out of sight. She once went through a pinching phase in which she would just pinch you until you bled. These pinches would usually come after I made some smart remark about Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys. I think if Mr. Littrell had any idea the pain he caused me, he would give me one half of all his riches from the Backstreet Boys (i.e. 12 dollars).
So you are probably saying, “but wait, are you or are you not going on vacation with this woman for one week?” Yes, starting Sunday my sister and I will be spending 7 days together in a car (Redrum!). But don’t worry, just as the evil gene formed when she was 13, it left when she turned 20. Not that I don’t see traces of it every once and while, like when I mention her dead dog Gretchin or poke fun at her current dog, Doofus. But mostly the gene is gone and Whitney has become someone very pleasant and all around good friend. But a good friend doth not a good vacation make. You see we are going to Glacier (it’s a national park in Montana) and my sister has a weird way of getting possessed when entering a national park. Don’t worry, it’s not the evil gene, it’s something different, something mutated, something… alien.
When entering a National Park, my sister transforms into some kind of teen wolf, who is neither wolf nor teen but hunts bears and takes oodles of pictures just the same. She starts getting crazy ideas like entering the park at 5 am and not leaving until you spot 14,000 bears or 10 pm, whichever comes first. She gets this fire in her eyes that says she wants to see it all and do it all… twice… in one day. This happened once in Yellowstone, we entered the park at the crack of dawn and did not leave until about 10:30 pm. We saw like 12 bears, a wolfpack, a hippie, and what I think was bigfoot… twice. So we come to the question of why? Why enter the park with this possessed woman, why not try and exorcize the demon? Because, deep down, secretly, I really like hanging out with my sister. No one keeps me on my toes like she does. When I am around her, I remember all my karate skills and practice them in my head. Whitney knows how to have fun, even if it really isn’t my brand of fun. Will I fall asleep in the car in Glacier? Probably. Will I want to shoot my brains out at some point? Most likely. Will I have a good time? Yes, definitely.