Monthly Archives: November 2010

B-Movie Surprise

THE CRAWLING HAND

Just finished reading a book called “The Four Fingers of Death” by Rick Moody. It was a good story albeit a little long. It is based off of the classically horrible B movie from 1963, The Crawling Hand. I’ve embedded the trailer above for you.

I was inspired to read this after Tia and I had our yearly B-movie horror fest. Here is a completed list of all the movies we watched:

  1. The Crawling hand (1963)
  2. It Came from Outer Space (1953)
  3. The Thing from Another World (1951) John Carpenter based his great film “The Thing” after this movie. I see the similarities but this one is quite different.
  4. The Tingler (1959) This one has a very interesting story behind the movie. Check it out some time, they wanted to try something beyond 3-D called “Percepto”. This was one of my favorites from this year’s run.
  5. The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1962)
  6. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
  7. And this year’s favorite: Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Go on to youtube and check out all the trailers for these movies. There are some really bad ones. It makes a great Halloween to spend the night laughing (and in some cases genuine fear) with all these old films.

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The Secret History of Black Friday

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The day after the first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims decided that they could use a little leisurely shopping. Turns out there was great deals on all the land in the country. All it cost was the blood of the Natives. So much blood was spilt that the day was called “Red Friday”. For years, every Friday following Thanksgiving, blood would be spilt over all sorts of great deals. This tradition continues today, with blood often spilt in the Walmarts’ and Targets’ of the world. Due to the violence in the name, retail stores changed it to Black Friday. While sorta racist, the name stuck and the tradition of bloodshed continues to this day.

Death to all Turkeys!

Well kids, it has been one heck of a Thanksgiving today. I ate some good food and spent some fun times with Tia’s family up in Montana. So in the tradition of Thanksgiving, I guess I should let you all know that this year I am most thankful for my wife. She has put up with me another year and without I don’t think I would get dressed properly everyday. There has been many times that she informs me that I am missing an item of clothing such as pants. 

So, I love you wifey! To everyone else, I hope you all have something you are thankful for this year and I’ll update the blog again later this week. 

Clifford. My thoughts.

I was driving today on the freeway when the magical scholastic book fair diesel pulled up beside me. The truck had a giant picture of Clifford, the big red dog, on the side of it. This got me thinking a little bit about that huge red pooch. 

                                                 

First off, why did the amazing growth of a 25 foot dog not set off any Government alarms. If I have learned anything from TV, it’s that the Government does not care for abnormal occurrences. A 25 foot red dog, is an abnormal occurrence. The good ole US Government should have been out there bagging and tagging everything that dog ever sniffed, ate, or pooped. Yet no one seemed the least bit phased. 

Second, the Howard family, moved to a farm to take care of this dog. Really? Did no one have a job in the city? Was this family so financial secure that they could all pick up and move to a farm without the slightest worry about finances. I imagine that just feeding that beast alone would be thousands of dollars a month. So how did Mr. Howard manage it? My guess: He was selling drugs. The same drugs he invented that created a giant dog. Think about it for a sec. This dog could not have randomly grown 25 feet. Something had to help him. I am guessing Mr. Howard was a pharmacist and was testing a new drug on his little girl’s puppy. The side effects were unexpected and profitable. So who was he selling too, you ask? Well I am guessing he was selling to third world countries. They pump this stuff into a cow and you’ve got food to feed your country for weeks. A noble cause perhaps, but testing on your daughter’s runt of a puppy. Sick. 

Third, am I supposed to care about books about Clifford has a puppy? They’ve recently released a series of books that revolve around Clifford when he was a small puppy. Who cares? Really, who cares about a tiny red puppy and his owner. What makes Clifford interesting is the fact that he is 25 feet tall. I mean, yes the fact that he is red is kind of interesting considering I’ve never seen a dog that red but it doesn’t make his books any more interesting. It’s just a splash of color. 

I guess, I shouldn’t care too much about all this stuff. I mean, the story of this mutant dog is meant for kids not adults with to much time on their hands. But I mean seriously, no one cares that there is a giant mutant dog? Aren’t they afraid he’s going to eat a kid? Has no one thought of the children!?!

Sorry said the squid.

“Hey sorry”, said the giant squid. It had been quite a while since he had posted anything to his blog. “No one really cares”, said the little annoying blue fish, “No one follows your blog anyway.” “That’s not true”, said a clam who wasn’t really involved in the conversation and no one recognized him. The clam said that he followed the squid’s blog quite regularly. “See”, said the squid, “wait, you do?” “Sure”, said the clam. It was in that moment that the squid saw something he had never seen before: the clam. It wasn’t just that he had never seen the clam before, though that was true, it was that he had never realized he had a follower and he would have never guessed he would have found a follower in this little fellow. Suddenly the squid’s motivation to post increased a hundred fold. He looked at the clam and said, “I shall post for you, friend!”

As the giant squid stared at the clam and recognized his new mission for a new friend, the annoying blue fish sat uncomfortably off to the side. This whole thing was quite weird. How had this awkward conversation started to begin with? Oh yeah, that giant squid-idiot was apologizing for not updating his blog lately. 

Do you get the message? Like the friendly, giant squid-idiot, I too am sorry for not updating my blog lately. But it would help if I knew if there was a clam out there… a secret follower perhaps?