Utah was recently named the cheapest state in America by the NAB (National Association of Bums). “I’ll spend close to all day on the streets asking for money and get nothing but Book of Mormon cards. I can’t eat them, well, I can, but they don’t taste good”, said local hobo Crunchy Trash Steve.
“Most of the time, people just tell me that they gave my money to tithing”, said a homeless man simply called Dave-killer. “I am not even sure where I can find Mr. Tithing but I’d sure like to get my dough!”
NAB awarded the state of Utah the prized birdie finger drawn on a cardboard box with marker. “I am very proud of this state for keeping every piece of spare change they have”, said local resident, Terry Harper. “I am pretty sure the money I didn’t give the other day doomed a hobo’s life to digging for cigarette buds in the trash cans.”
Utah is known for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the church’s many relief programs, like the Bishop’s Storehouse. Members of the church are encouraged to give ten percent of their income to the church who then gives it out through relief programs and payments towards church maintenance.
“I never feel any obligation to give to anyone wearing cardboard shoes, because my tithing money gives them all the real shoes they need. If they’d only ask and attend church… and be baptized” said LDS Young Mens Secretary Will Johnson, of the Wagon Ward in Salt Lake. “They probably should serve a mission”, Johnson added.