TWICE READ #1: LA’s Best places to have Sex

Twice read is my new series for my blog that I will be doing. The idea behind this will be that I look around the room, find an item, write a story or post about it and only read it through a couple of times. There isn’t going to be a lot of editing or thought. This is just something I want to do to force my brain to start thinking and plotting quickly. Today’s entry comes from the LA Magazine in my hotel room and the cover that claims to feature the “Best places to have sex”. Let’s get started it.

LA Magazine came out with their annual best places to have sex issue. This meant nothing to Gary. That was for the youth of today. Thirty years ago, Gary might have thought about exploring these places out with one of the girls from his college or maybe even someone from his Dad’s diner but now he was old and tired and if he was going to have sex, he would prefer it to be in a bed. Guess you could say he was old fashioned.

Gary wasn’t sure when the subscription for LA Magazine even started coming to his business. Just after Dad passed away and Gary took over the diner there was lots of mail and signatures and somewhere along the way this magazine began to just mysteriously show up. Gary had never read a single issue and just sat it out at the diner from someone to look at if they weren’t with company and they didn’t have cell phone. So pretty much no one looked at the magazine. But it was there. If you needed it.

And maybe Gary needed it tonight. Maybe that’s why he decided to pick it up and flip through. Maybe it was time that fate thought he knew the truth. Either way, as Gary picked up the magazine and flipped through it, he saw some thing that made his heart stop. Number 7, the bathroom in Lloyd’s diner.

That couldn’t be right. Maybe there are two Lloyd’s diners? But the address listed in the magazine was correct. How is this even possible? Gary had worked under his father at Lloyd’s diner as a kid and eventually took over when his father passed away three years ago. If people were getting wild in his bathroom he should know. He would have heard. Wouldn’t he?

Gary looked up at his customers. It was the same crew he had most every night. There was Tara and Jim, a middle-aged couple that lost their daughter to a drunk driver and liked to spend time here because it wasn’t home. There was Rick a local police officer that stopped by and spent more time here than on his patrol. A few other out-of-towners. Frankly there was no one here (nor was there ever anyone here) that would be getting on in his bathroom.

Well there was James the seventeen year old dishwasher he hired last year. But it was more likely that eighty year old Doloris was getting freaky in his bathroom than James. James was a scrawny boy with no muscle, no personality and no girlfriend. In the year he had been working with Gary, James had said maybe two words and both times his voice cracked. But other than James there was no one here. But that really wasn’t possible.

But whoever it was, Gary was going to find out.

For the first month, nothing happened. Gary watched the bathroom like a hawk. Anyone who went in there was timed and monitored but nothing was longer than the average time. That bathroom remained untouched all day and all night… That’s when Gary had a thought, maybe people were getting busy at night. Maybe someone had found a way to break in to his place and just enjoyed the rush of not getting caught. Perhaps it was time for a bit of espionage.

That night and for the following three nights, Gary waited in the dark seeing nothing. No one came. Nothing happened. The bathroom remained clean and empty. But on the fifth night, just when Gary was on the edge of giving up this all together, something happened. Around 12:30, the back door creaked open slowly. Gary could hear a series of hushed whispers as two people moved quietly across the diner. He heard the bathroom door open and then close but the lock did not click.

Gary stood up. He could see the bathroom  and the light under the door flipped on. He knew what he needed to do. He was going to have to go in. Suddenly, he heard more voices from the back. He quickly ducked again. Several other people came in and quietly moved across the floor to the bathroom. This happened three more times. At this point Gary estimated as many as ten people were in that bathroom. He knew the bathroom featured a slightly larger space but he never thought it would be used in such a way.

He could hear laughing in the bathroom. It was time to put a stop to this bizarre den of sin happening in his bathroom. Gary walked over and threw the door open. As his eyes adjusted to the light, Gary saw several faces he didn’t know but near the far end of the bathroom was one he did: James. He couldn’t believe it! This quiet boy had been hosting some sort of wacky orgy in his bathroom for who knows how long, maybe months!

Gary raised his hand to speak when suddenly James moved to the left. There sitting next to James was a completely nude Deloris. She looked at him and Gary knew the truth. She was the host. Deloris, who had been at the diner since before Gary was born. Deloris who took a smoke break every 30 minutes. Deloris, whose name tag was yellow and rotten because it was given to her before the Vietnam war. She was the host.

Gary didn’t say a word. He slowly closed the door and walked out straight through the diner and outside into the cool air. Gary looked up at the stars. He knew what he had to do.

Three days later, Lloyd’s diner burned to the ground. Which was good news for Flo’s cafe. They went from being number eight on the list to being number seven.


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