Animal Crackers

Even the vegans eat these... though they probably have a problem with the circus packaging.

Even the vegans eat these… though they probably have a problem with the circus packaging.

I eat a bag of animal crackers just about every single day. I love them. They are a healthy snack that isn’t carrots or brocoli. Weight watchers says I can eat like 24 of those little suckers before I even hit one point.

But don’t think for one second that I don’t see you judging me with your eyes Eric! You’ve made comments about my lunch before, calling it cute but you know what? Maybe I don’t like spending 1,000 bucks a month on Protein Bar. Maybe, I think that I can save a little bit of dough by chomping down on these animal shaped crackers. Maybe I just like them! So just try and make a comment and I will summon the mighty power of every animal I have ever consumed and tear you to pieces.

Beware the fierce power of the Lion! The strength of horse. The steadiness of the Elephant. The wisdom of the buffalo. The milk-giving of the cow. The mystery of the… is it a sheep? I am not sure. Either way, you’ll feel my animal wrath upon you, friend. So just sit in your cubicle. Judge my food. But remember, as the ancient, native Americans have told us… every animal we consume becomes part of our spirit animal. How will your spirit animal fare against mine: The Lion/Horse/Elephant/Buffalo/cow/sheep-thing!

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