Monthly Archives: March 2014

Three solid pieces of advice for my two sons

The first two weeks of a child’s life are the worst. Oh sure, they’re cute and sweet but really they are just ticking time bombs of potential death. Every sneeze, every cough and every choking noise stops your heart. I hear Parker sniff and I am pretty sure that he is sniffing his final sniff. But once you start getting past the first few weeks, your nerves begin to relax. You begin to realize that you may have done it. This child may live to see you die instead.

And then a whole new set of worries takes over.

Your own mortality suddenly moves to the forefront of your thoughts. Suddenly you’re feeling your knees pop. You can hear this old man grunt when you get out of bed only to realize that you’re the grunter. You don’t know what Snapchat is. Yes, babies aren’t good for much except pooping, sleeping and reminding you of your impending death.

It’s on this note that I have decided to write fatherly advice to my boys. At this point the amount of weird, unidentifiable noises my body is making mean my untimely death must be right around the corner, so I better get some manly advice out now. I’ve decided to focus on the three things most important to a young man and probably the things I know the most about: Sports, Cars and Sex.

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A letter to my brother Travis Cole about his dating Emma Stone

Dear tall blonde Travis,

So I didn’t want to bring this up but I am afraid I just can’t let it slide. I had a dream last night in which we were in high school and you were dating Emma Stone. You know that she is my celebrity main-squeeze and it is entirely inappropriate that you would even think of dating her. Oh and before you start telling me that this was my dream and you had no control, I am pretty sure there was a study done at some university somewhere that talked about how you can influence your friend’s dreams by little things you say or do. Obviously some passing comment informed my subconscious about your devious intentions with my Emma.


I can’t even look at this without remembering how you two went to that restaurant in that volcano and didn’t even bother to ask me if I wanted to come.

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150 thank you’s to Ty and Jeanie

So I haven’t written much for a week and that’s really more a result of laziness than lack of time. It’s true that we added an additional member to this family with Parker but we also had Tia’s parents in town to help us balance out the chaos and what help they were.

In fact, I would be lying if I didn’t say that Tia’s mom and dad basically ran this place for the last week. They did shopping, cleaning, helping with Simon, Parker, etc. I am not very good with “Thank you’s” in person but I am okay writing them and then sharing them with the world. So that’s what I am going to do. 150 Thank you’s to Ty and Jeanie.
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The story of Parker’s birth

Well let’s talk about how Parker was born and how it was one of the craziest things of my life. But to fully understand the insanity of it, you have to realize that when we had Simon it was one of the easiest, longest and most laid back events of my life. Simon took a whopping 22 hours to be born and during the waiting time for that, Tia got all dooped up before the pain came and I read an entire book. Simon was so set on never coming out that they almost had to do a c-section to get him out. So when we began planning for Parker we had that entire event in mind.

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