Guessin’ definitions

While I have long loved to write, I’ve also been a man of few words. Mostly because I don’t know that many words. Yes folks, it turns out that the majority of words I know start with Bat.

I drive a batcar... that doesn't sound right.

I drive a batcar… wait that doesn’t sound right.

 

So I’ve decided to take it upon myself to up my vocabulary so that when you talk to me, you think I am a well-versed, literate, knowledgable man. (See what I did there? That was one smart sentence.) But I thought why have all the fun? Why not encourage those around me to learn new words as well. Which is why I have created:

GUESSIN’ DEFINITIONS

A fun, family game where you take five words you don’t know and try and guess the definition to see how close you are to the real definition. I am not sure how points work because this is a game I basically just made it up while I was sitting here but lets make it exciting and play the family strip version. Each definition I get wrong will mean the removal of one item of clothing. So hot.

 

No body wants to see you naked!

Please don’t! Nobody wants to see you naked!

Too bad baby! We’re doing this . Let’s get started.

Mullion

What I think it means:

A mullion is typically considered king of the barn. As everyone is well aware at this point, there is a hierarchy built within farm hands and a mullion is the one who rules over them. A mullion commands both people and animals in the barn in a dictatorship fashion.  A fun fact that is not commonly know is that mullion is not required to uphold the laws of any country so long as his actions take place inside of his barn. This type of ruling often leads to attempts at mutiny within the barn hierarchy. A mullion can be both human and animal as evidenced by Rosette the Goat’s ten year reign in 1987 at the Williamson barn.

What it means:

Noun. A vertical member, as of stone or wood, between the lights of a window, the panels in wainscotingor the like.

Well I just took these off.

Well I guess time to take these off.

Hesternal

What I think it means:

This is an exam that bus drivers have to take before being able to drive a bus. This exam will determine your level of resentment against society in general and if you are willing to risk the lives of countless individuals around you in a vain attempt to cut across five lanes of traffic at the last possible second. Someone who passes the Hesternal exam is often found full of hatred and animosity against everyone regardless of race, sex, religion or if they are a single mom trying to get a stroller on board. The Hesternal exam also shows if someone lacks the basic communication skills to explain to a large group of people why they passed by the stop and just kept on driving. They are able to ignore every single request to know what’s going on. The Hesternal exam is standard across the country and has been approved by the Federal Traffic Commission.

What it means:

(heh-STER-nuhl) adjective

Of yesterday. Ex. “I passed up a side-street, one of those deserted ways … dim places, fusty with hesternal excitements and the thrills of yesteryear.”

Well, it turns out I was only wearing socks and undies so I guess the games over... Let's just keep playing for fun. Though it is a bit cold in here.

Well, it turns out I was only wearing socks and undies so I guess the game is over… Let’s just keep playing for fun. Though it is a bit cold in here.

 

Wallydrag

What I think it means:

I think this one is pretty obvious, this is what you call the guy who is most likely to murder everyone in your office. This is the term for the guy that sits alone in the break room, drawing pictures of all his coworkers and then furiously scribbling all over them while shouting obscenities. He is always here when you come in and he’s always the last person to leave but he never submits any work and no one ever questions him. He spends a lot of time writing conspiracy theories on the stall walls of the bathroom. Ex. “Kevin is such a wallydrag, I am just waiting for him to strangle me to death after the Christmas party.”

What it means:

noun. A feeble, dwarfed animal or person. The runt of the liter. 

 

Haha. What a Wallydrag.

Haha. What a Wallydrag.

Rancorous

What I think it means:

This is a sore you get on the inside of your stomach after you eat Taco Bell. A well known side-effect of these sores is stingy farts. They are silent but deadly to both the farter and those around the farter. Special government facilities have attempted to weaponize rancorous sores by sending Taco Bell over to foreign countries, hoping to cripple their army with gas pains. Instead the fumes overwhelmed the general population leading to mutations. This is how Godzilla was created.

What it means:

A full showing of malicious resentfulness or hostility. Someone who shows spite. 

He seems pretty resentful and full of spite. I am going to count this one as a win.

He seems pretty resentful and full of spite. I am going to count this one as a win.

Proffer

What I think it means:

A proffer is word used to describe people who leave a voicemail that just says, “Call me”. Once upon a time a proffer was considered someone with responsibility but since the invention of both caller ID and texting, a proffer is considered an idiot. People frown upon proffers because they can see the missed call on their phone and they don’t want to have to check their voicemail just to hear you say, “Call me”. It’s widely considered that the only appropriate time to act like a proffer is if you’re dying and this will be the last time someone ever hears your voice. Though at this point you might have something better to say than “Call me”.  Ex: Jeremy just called me and left a message like a total proffer.

What it means:

To offer or propose.

This is a whole movie about proffering. It's also Ryan Reynold's best role.

Apparently this is a whole movie about proffering. Proffering and suffering.

Well, in the end the definitions won with score of 4 to 1 and now I am naked and cold (how many posts end this way?). But you know what, we all win because we learned some new words. Like check out this sentence.

The wallydrag has a hint of a rancorous tone as he is proffering his mullion the squirrel even though he loves it because of uh.. his hesternal feelings.

Done. I be so smart!

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