The first two weeks of a child’s life are the worst. Oh sure, they’re cute and sweet but really they are just ticking time bombs of potential death. Every sneeze, every cough and every choking noise stops your heart. I hear Parker sniff and I am pretty sure that he is sniffing his final sniff. But once you start getting past the first few weeks, your nerves begin to relax. You begin to realize that you may have done it. This child may live to see you die instead.
And then a whole new set of worries takes over.
Your own mortality suddenly moves to the forefront of your thoughts. Suddenly you’re feeling your knees pop. You can hear this old man grunt when you get out of bed only to realize that you’re the grunter. You don’t know what Snapchat is. Yes, babies aren’t good for much except pooping, sleeping and reminding you of your impending death.
It’s on this note that I have decided to write fatherly advice to my boys. At this point the amount of weird, unidentifiable noises my body is making mean my untimely death must be right around the corner, so I better get some manly advice out now. I’ve decided to focus on the three things most important to a young man and probably the things I know the most about: Sports, Cars and Sex.